No one can do it for you.
Recently, I was speaking to a client, and she was saying, “What strategies can I use to choose differently? I know I’m worthy of love… yet I keep choosing these circumstances that make me feel unloved.”
Sound familiar? Wanting and knowing something, yet not being able to choose that thing?!
And that thing usually brings us more peace, confidence, love, courage, self-worth… and on top of all of that juiciness, it creates regulation in our nervous system.
Despite that knowing—that it is the path to our peace and truth, and alignment—we just seem not. be. able. to. do. it.
Look, learning about the pattern is important. Understanding where it comes from adds context and compassion… it makes us realize that when we are in what is a freeze response from the nervous system, that it’s not our fault!
The truth is that you choosing the same thing you know, even if it hurts, is brilliant! It is what you know! You know that on some level, you can handle the betrayal, the hurt, the rejection, the abandonment…
But, to choose differently…. woahhhhhhh. That’s scary… even if it moves you towards health, happiness, healing, and of course, if it restores your integrity with your own values.
Here’s what I told her, and I want to tell you… No amount of psychotherapy, coaching, somatic therapy, books or personal growth programs can DO the hard thing for you.
All of this stuff can prepare you… And a lot of people spend their whole lives in the consumption of information about the pattern, while NEVER changing it.
Many small changes. Maybe moving more and more towards it. But not putting it to bed.
Of course, the first question you must ask yourself is, “What is the positive benefit I’m getting from staying in this pattern?”
The answer is usually something like:
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