What starts as just a thought is not just a thought. It’s a thread of memories both past and lost… where you had a bit too much to drink. Where you forgot what you did last night… or you said something you regret… or worse, you did something you regret.
I used to black out every once in a while when I drank. It was normalized though… in college we would joke and call it “time traveling.” We would say, “last night I threw my hard drive off a cliff.” We’d call each other or rally over brunch trying to put the pieces back together of our evenings.
And while laughter was present and there was some humour to it, it was also accompanied by a silent sadness. I won’t speak for my friends, but I will speak to my own exploration in hindsight — Did I have such little regard for my mind and body that I would poison it to the point where it was on autopilot?
I managed to avoid this at work events for the most part… but every once in a while I would have a littttttle too much. But I wasn’t alone in this, and I think it was the culture of partying and drinking that insulated me from the career risks…
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