“People grow when they are loved well. If you want to help others heal, love them without an agenda.” — Mike McHargue
It’s fascinating that when we invite others to move towards more healthy ways of relating, we are met with what can often be incredible resistance, and in some circumstances, absolute rejection and anger. The consequence of this response is that it can sometimes cause us to internalize the idea that it is the desires we have that are the problem. We can develop the belief that what we want is the issue… and often that is framed for us as “Your standards are just too high. You want too much.” Which becomes, “I am too needy. I am too much.”
And while there is a time to explore how ever-moving expectations can be a mechanism of control, the expectation for a baseline of respect and a mutual desire to be better is not “too much.” It’s the price of admission.
Remember that when you invite others to improve their relationship with you, and in turn, the world, you’re inviting one another to relate from wellness, not wounds.
And to be honest, it’s hard for me to watch people in relationships who don’t invite each other to be better and support each other’s growth. Often what I see with most couples is that one is eager to grow and expand, and the other is complacent, resisting their partner’s growth.
We don’t usually see what’s happening when we’re in this situation, but I promise you, if you resist your partner’s growth, it is the quickest path to the relationship imploding and/or infidelity.
There are a number of things to consider here when we’re the one resisting the change…
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