If dating has ever felt like chasing someone who won’t choose you… If you’ve ever asked yourself, Why do I always end up with the unavailable ones?… If you’re exhausted, confused, and starting to wonder if maybe it’s you…. Take a deep breath. You’re not broken.
The truth is… no one taught us how to date. We were thrown into the dating world with no roadmap. We learned about love from people who were doing their best… but often from their own wounds. Parents who couldn’t meet us emotionally. A society that told us to be easygoing but not needy. Relationships that taught us to abandon ourselves to feel chosen.
So we chase what we know, not what we need.
We confuse “chemistry” with chaos. We think love means working hard for it, proving ourselves, fixing people, earning their attention. But that’s not love. That’s survival.
Let’s get honest about some of the most common relationship patterns—and maybe you’ll see yourself in them:
- We pick emotionally unavailable people because part of us is unavailable too. We don’t believe we’re worthy of someone who stays, so we chase those who leave.
- We fear deep intimacy, so we find relationships where we can’t be fully seen. Unavailable people give us the illusion of connection without the real vulnerability it takes to sustain it.
- We think we can change them. If they heal because of us, it feels like proof that we’re enough. Spoiler alert: it never lasts—and we lose ourselves in the process.
- We don’t know what we want. So we settle for what shows up. We hope to figure it out on the way, but clarity has to come first.
- We’re afraid we won’t find better. So we tolerate red flags. We rationalize the bare minimum. We stay because we don’t want to be alone.
- We didn’t learn boundaries. We ghost. We over-function. We say yes when we mean no. And then we wonder why we feel resentful, anxious, and drained.
- We haven’t healed our old stories. And until we do, they’ll keep writing the scripts of our relationships. Our nervous system keeps trying to re-create the past to finally fix it.
If any of these resonate… it just means you’re repeating what you were taught—and what you haven’t yet healed.
What changes everything? Self-awareness. Self-responsibility. Self-worth.
You have to start asking: What kind of love am I available for? What kind of love am I no longer willing to tolerate?
Healing starts the moment you decide:
I will no longer chase people who cannot choose me.
I will no longer mistake crumbs for connection.
I will no longer confuse adrenaline with attraction.
I will choose myself first, always.
Because you are not here to be almost loved.
✍️ Journal Prompts to Rewrite Your Story
These sentence stems are for you—to help clarify the patterns you’re ready to end and the love you’re ready to welcome.
- Of the patterns listed above, the ones I’ve most repeated are ___.
- When I think about why I’ve chosen unavailable love, I realize ___.
- I’ve tolerated ___ because deep down, I believed ___.
- I’m committed to ___.
- When it comes to dating, I will no longer ___.
- Choosing myself looks like ___.
- I feel powerful when I ___
Write your truth. Say it out loud. Burn the old script. You’re not here to beg for love. You’re here to embody it.
I also have a gift for you, since you’ve gotten to the bottom of this email. Get my guide “How to Stop Dating Unavailable People” here.This way you can stop tolerating ambivalence… once and for all. Because love should feel safe, mutual, and aligned—not like a guessing game.
You were never taught how to date. You were taught how to survive. But now—it’s time to learn how to thrive.
Much love,
Mark
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