Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself.

When I interviewed psychotherapist Britt Frank, the author of “The Science of Stuck,” she mentioned that when we feel frozen in a pattern and unable to change, it’s because it’s a trauma response. We’re in the “freeze” part of fight, flight, freeze, fawn. From a biological perspective, we don’t move forward because our nervous system doesn’t have the capacity to take more steps and l

When I interviewed psychotherapist Britt Frank, the author of “The Science of Stuck,” she mentioned that when we feel frozen in a pattern and unable to change, it’s because it’s a trauma response. We’re in the “freeze” part of fight, flight, freeze, fawn. From a biological perspective, we don’t move forward because our nervous system doesn’t have the capacity to take more steps and let what was die.

The known is currently too scary, and so is the unknown. Quite a conundrum, isn’t it?

I look back at the last three years and feel like I had found myself there… in that space between. Not allowing myself to fully let go of what was and give full birth to what is trying to make its way into my experience.

I see that from a place of compassion… unable to let go of the familiar yet recognizing that old tools won’t build a new life.

It’s easy to fall in love with what’s comfortable. It’s easy to allow ourselves to hover in what is desperately waiting to die (and be born). And yet, it just inflicts pain and suffering upon us.

To know we want and need to move forward, yet doing anything but that. God damn… the pain of this is real.

For me, this context is my work and aligning all parts of myself. And for you, it might be an interpersonal relationship, maybe your relationship to substances, your body, food, or even social media. Maybe your purpose is gnawing at you to be stepped towards.

I remember the saying, “indecision is a decision.”

That tracks. I feel that. To stay suspended in a pattern is a choice. And yet, sometimes, it feels like any other choice is just too much.

I think it’s important to honour two things in these circumstances:

1. We must not rush our transformation… the need to gather more information and resources and be resourced before we act. To do what we need to do to prepare for leaps. AND not use the excuse of incessant information gathering as a reason not to become what is being asked of us.
2. To be in “freeze” is a survival strategy, so instead of meeting it with shame and disgust, we need to meet it with grace and compassion. It got you and me where we are, so let’s love it while we leave it behind.

I firmly believe that everything happens at the perfect time… AND, we can recognize when that perfect time moves by as the pain of not taking action starts to show up as anxiety and/or depression. It shows up as addictions and self-sabotage. Physically it manifests as inflammation in our bodies. Gut issues, skin issues, heart issues, and so on… we start to get physical symptoms that are saying, “LISTEN, CREATE, BECOME.”

But before we leap (and align), we want to know the end mission. We want to know every detail about how it will go and what it will all look like.

But you don’t get that. You get a feeling. A nudge. A call. A pull. Clocks with 11:11, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44, 5:55. You get miracles trying to push you to believe. You get songs, and maybe you get this post.

Many of us stay on this edge of inaction because we’re afraid of all the things we’ll lose if we leap. And that’s because those things are measurable. We can see them.

But you and I can’t see what is waiting for us. We can’t see what is possible and how aligning with the truth is the most contagious thing in the world… how getting unstuck liberates (or at least invites) the liberation of others.

You may be thinking, “But no one has ever believed in me; I don’t even believe in me.”

I do. And that’s one. If you decide to get on board, that’s two; two is a team.

As is so wonderfully said, “Borrow my belief in you until you believe in you.”

I don’t know where this path is going to take you or me, but what I do know is that I’m done having a conversation about me being split.

As Elizabeth Gilbert said, “I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit.”

I’m there. And I’m done playing smaller than I’m capable of playing. I’m done staying in a prison that I created.

I can blame you. I can blame the circumstances of the world. I can blame social media. Sh*t, I can find so many things and people to blame.

But you know what blame does? It robs you and me of our power.

No matter what circumstances found you here, here you are.

And it’s the perfect time. And you and I are in the perfect place.

For what? To come fully alive. To become unfrozen. To stop choosing to wound ourselves and not believe in ourselves.

In some ways, I think I’m afraid of what is possible for me as I step out of this pattern… I think you are too. Will you be able to hold the power that inhabits your soul? Will you be able to process the grief and anger that comes with knowing you have potential that you have said “no” to?

The best version of you already exists; you just have to step into it. The difference between an acorn and an oak tree is that the tree has become, and yet, its totality simultaneously exists within the smallness of the seed.

You are that acorn. And you are that tree.

And what I mean by that is that more will always be asked of you. Your growth will never stop.

This is not the demonstration of your inadequacies but rather evidence of your possibilities.

Nature doesn’t question this. The acorn doesn’t believe it’s not enough because it’s not a tree.

Yet if it rejected its mission, our world be left less beautiful.

And you not stepping towards what is being asked of you is robbing us all of getting to witness you in full bloom.

The world needs you this way. It needs me this way.

I forgot that for a moment. In the depths of my grief, I forgot that my suffering was actually serving me. That the circumstances that have unfolded are exactly what I’ve needed to build the skills, knowledge and wisdom to walk my sacred path in this lifetime.

And yet, I can sit with knowing that forgetting is necessary to remember. One cannot exist without the other.

So I ask you: What have you forgotten? What do you need to remember?

As Ram Dass says, “We’re all just walking each other home.”

Honoured to walk alongside you.

This post is to let you know that I am no longer split. I am aligned and aligning.

My work is far beyond the beautiful and narrow box of relationships. It is about stepping into and guiding others to step into their fullest potential. To strive for mastery in every facet of life and yet live in the paradox that mastery is never available.

I love exploring the complexities of this human experience, and it is my mission to help translate those complexities into manageable steps that make sense.

Here’s to me making more sense of this part of the journey, upgrading my software, and giving my soul a louder voice.

And here’s to trusting.

@createthelove and @itsmarkgroves no longer exist separately. I will be posting all of my passionate desires, thoughts, feelings and opinions on @createthelove. I will be talking about all the things. And if it feels aligned for you, great! If it feels like our journey is complete, what a beautiful opportunity to wish one another love… a relationship can change and hold differences, and love still be present.

Allow me to reintroduce myself. My name is Mark Groves. It’s nice to meet you again. And again. And again…

Things are gonna continue to get wilder and deeper here.

Chat soon.

Much love,

Mark

P.S. If you’d like to hear me discuss this email on a deeper level, head to the podcast episode I did about it here.