“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”
~ John Lennon
Wishing life were different is a normal baseline state for most people.
Most people are also in a constant state of suffering and angst.
Hmmmmm. Seems connected, right?
I am like most people. 🙋♂️
We’ve been having our basement renovated for the last eight months. In my mind, it should be done by now… but it’s not. And to add to that, the lease for the house we’ve been renting ended on April 30th.
Because the basement is not done, and we no longer have a rental, I have had to make alternate plans…
My friend Drew had previously invited our family to visit his family on their farm in California. About three weeks before the rental was ending, I reached out to him and asked if we could take him up on that visit… “OF COURSE”, he emphatically replied.
So here I am writing this from a remote part of California with a message for you:
Sometimes it is hard to trust the flow of life. Endings, deaths, job losses, frustrations, conflicts. Something unexpected disturbs the flow of our lives and it has us living in a different moment than the one we thought we would be in.
I thought our house would be done a while ago.
I thought I would be somewhere else right now.
I thought I would finally have some roots being set that belonged to me and my family.
I have longed for a home so much in the last four years… and here I am, STILL NOT IN IT.
I thought, I thought, I thought…
I bet you thought life would go differently in some or many ways, too?! And this message isn’t to deny that alternate reality or expectation… Be with the disappointment. Be with the grief that comes with imagining a different life and a different path.
But don’t become trapped in that alternate life.
I, and you, are meant to be exactly where we are. My house not being done has me in a different place, in different conversations, and in different opportunities than I thought I would be in. It has forced me to take different steps and make different choices.
I can feel the pain and frustration, and the upset that comes with the house not being done when my mind was so certain it would be. I made allowances for this extra time it’s taken! I prepared! I planned ahead! WHYYYYY?! Why does this happen to me?! Why can’t life just be easy?!
Oh man — the opportunities that life provides to activate the victim/martyr so we can heal it… When I’m stressed my default lens is to go into victimization — to enter a space of powerlessness. This triggers a whole cascade of thoughts and feelings that keep me further stuck in freeze.
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