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Sep 16, 2019

Hilary Jacobs Hendel – Why You Can’t Just “Get Over It”

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Anxiety, Breakups, Childhood Trauma, Compassion, Depression, Emotions, Relationship


Every single human has surely suffered with feeling invalidated for their emotions. Author of ’It’s Not Always Depression’ and psychotherapist, Hilary Jacobs Hendel joined us to explore her ground-breaking work on emotions. Many of us have never really learned the true anatomy of our emotions. As Hilary explains, we can build our lives around avoiding the true feeling of our emotions. For many of us our early experiences with emotions involved us being told to ‘get over it’ in one way or another. Fully embracing emotions like anger and hurt means going against our conditioning, and some of these emotions seem downright scary. Could we end up lashing out in rage? Or could embracing our pain actually open the pathway toward calm, composure and compassion? Hilary walks us through the model she uses that allows people to experience – often for the first time in their lives – how to fully feel a feeling, and the freedom that this experiences offers us.


1.30 mins – Introduction to the Break up Recovery course.
4 mins – Introduction to Hilary Jacobs Hendel.
6 mins – Emotions are involuntary physical responses, we cannot just ‘get over them’.
9 mins – What are positive emotions – expansive experiences, what does it feel like to allow them to arise?
14 mins – “It runs in the family” the narrative of inherited patterns.
18 mins – What is anxiety and how does it exist within the body?
22 mins – Understanding the change triangle and the impact of shame.
29 mins – Experiencing the full emotional wave, the emotional experience of anger.
39 mins – Moving though childhood trauma.
47 mins – How do we know if we have suppressed core emotions?
54 mins – I feel therefore I am.
1hr 3mins – Working through other peoples emotions.
1hr 18mins – Free resources from Hilary Jacobs Hendel


  • Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, takes the complex world of emotions and makes them easy to understand for all. She is author of the award-winning self-help book on emotions called, It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self (Random House, 2018). She is a certified psychoanalyst and AEDP psychotherapist and supervisor. She has published articles in The New York Times, TIME, Oprah, Salon, and professional journals. Hendel also consulted on the psychological development of characters on AMC’s Mad Men. Hilary’s blog on emotions and how to use them for wellbeing is read worldwide. For more FREE resources on emotions and emotional health, visit:
  • Find out more about the Change Triangle Here
  • It’s Not Always Depression by Hilary Jacobs Hendel