Sep 5, 2022

How to Relationship Better with John Kim & Vanessa Bennett

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Attachment Theory, Conflict, Intimacy, Parenthood, Relationships


Today I’m joined by John Kim and Vanessa Bennett for a wonderful conversation discussing the core themes from their new book, “It’s Not Me, It’s You,” including how to navigate differences in your relationship. 

John Kim (aka The Angry Therapist) and Vanessa Bennett are not only licensed therapists and relationship coaches but master plate spinners. Writing books, hosting podcasts, creating mental health content, and raising their toddler are just a few of those spinning plates.

Before their worlds collided, they each experienced the painful expiration of long term relationships which thrust them into their inner journeys, personal therapy, therapy school, and helping thousands of people relationship better. As a couple, they are committed to being transparent about their baggage, bullsh*t, and the slippery knots of their own imperfect relationship to help illuminate the surprising issues that hinder all of us from finding, enjoying, and sustaining love.


  • How to navigate different love languages
  • Framing your differences as opportunities
  • Tips for navigating conflict with your partner
  • The difference between doing life with someone vs. doing life at or around them

00:00 Intro

04:00 Therapists are human too

07:20 Writing a book with your partner

10:03 Different love languages

16:55 The anxious/avoidant dance

19:07 Differences in relationship

23:33 It’s in the small moments

28:20 Handling conflict

35:11 Past relationships vs. now

39:00 Softness & vulnerability in relationship

41:00 Greatest challenges in couples

47:22 Being transactional

53:47 Clean anger is necessary